Note: My mom has been dead for almost 25 years. I adored her in life and continue to love her memory. So, these posts have nothing to do with her. Sorry for the confusion.
I love my mother (the Church), but I’d rather not. I love her despite the fact that she spends a lot of time sleeping around with counterproductive political ideologies. I love her despite the fact she’s regularly found in spiritual dark alleys mainlining all of our world’s junk – consumerism, materialism, etc. I love her though she refuses to change or even recognize her issues. I love her, but she doesn’t make it easy.
I’m on the verge of giving up, throwing in the towel, and turning my back for good. But, such a move wouldn’t make me a better person. For, loving the unlovable is the ultimate love, and the Church has been pretty unlovable.
Also, I still need a mother. It is easy to stay on outside the Church hurling insults. It is lazy to see her problems as unsolvable and just walk away. It also sounds selfish – taking my Bible and going home.
Without my mother, I’d probably be even more of a selfish jerk.
What would I do without the Church? I would probably sit around and mope. I would probably troll the facebook statuses of church people and make fun of them and their/our Mother.
But, that is too easy. Isn’t it?
Lillian Daniels wrote a scathing article a while back where she called people like me ‘boring’.
There is nothing challenging about having deep thoughts all by oneself. What is interesting is doing this work in community, where other people might call you on stuff, or heaven forbid, disagree with you.
Pathetic as it may sound, this is why I still need a Mother. Isolating myself from those who I have so many problems with means I am insulating myself from anyone who might call me out on my crap.
I love my mother. I can’t help it. I love her for all the time I have spent in church basements sipping weak coffee from a styrofoam cup while some old church lady told me that I was valuable and good. I love her for all the times I have been the one pouring the coffee or the one expressing love. I love her for my baptism. I love her for offering me the Body and the Blood. I love her for the gifts of God. I love her for the people of God.
It’s something of a riddle I’ve been trying to figure out, coming back to church after about a year and a half away (Which was a very good thing for me, I think). Because there’s something, some presence of God, that I only feel when I’m in a church service, and I wonder why that is. I know all the bad things about church, so why does God remain? I’m more than ready to say “Lo-Ammi” and walk away hand-in-hand with God, but apparently I’ve jumped the gun.
By: Community enCompass on January 5, 2012
at 1:43 pm
[...] That is a real quick way to end up being a grumpy jerk that nobody likes. More on that here. [...]
By: Spoken Word ‘Theology’ « When the Church Hurts on January 16, 2012
at 2:43 am