Posted by: Botolff | January 13, 2009

Welcome to OUR story…

I have about five posts saved in the “draft” section of this blog.  I read through a couple of them again tonight.  I don’t want to share them…yet.  They’re lengthy.  They’re painful.  They’re true.  But most importantly, right now, I feel like to post them would take up space I would like to leave open for other people’s stories as well.  

Like many, perhaps a number of who will interact with this blog, I have struggled with how to speak again.  With so much time for the pain and the disillusionment to fester, in what has often felt like isolation, it’s hard to know how to talk about what has happened.  But I’m learning that by not speaking, that the festering continues and the trauma remains buried.  

I’m wondering who else is out there still carrying the trauma.  Anyone see “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”?  There are some days that I feel like the disfigured baby left on someone else’s doorstep, because the family who has scarred me doesn’t want to care for the “mess” they have just given birth to.  Even though, unlike the baby in the movie, it was their addictions while I was in their womb that caused me to come out looking like this on the other side.  Granted, I am not nearly as innocent in the process as a baby is in the womb.  But, I definitely had my voice taken away in the process. 

I want to believe that doesn’t have to be the end of the story.  Maybe we can grow again with other people’s care.  Maybe we can grow here in this blog.  But how?  Well, do you have a thought of what it is that you want at this point in your journey?  Are you willing to risk speaking it?  Maybe the answer is no on either or both accounts.  I’d understand if that was the case.  I can tell you that one thing I want is to stop feeling so powerless.  This blog is helping me to address that.  What will it be for you?  Corey said it well…we are here to hear.  I hope you’ll join us by speaking.  I look forward to sharing our stories with each other.


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