Posted by: Botolff | July 1, 2009

You Know You’re in Trouble When: Top 12 Clues I was Being Framed- Clue #3

3)      Immediately after mediation was over, the mediator called me to ask if I was o.k..  She didn’t call the pastor’s wife to ask that question, she called me.  When I told her I was hurt and angry, she said she could understand why.  Then she proceeded to say, “Let me tell you what I would do if I was in your shoes.  I would count my losses and get out of the business with her and the church, because she’s not interested in reconciliation with you.  She’s going to make you pay, and the elders aren’t going to support you.  They are going to support her.” (When I called the mediator back in three weeks to let her know the church got rid of me, she said, “WHAT?!  I knew that was coming, but I figured six months.  That’s the fastest kill I’ve heard of yet in a church, and I’ve heard some pretty bad stories.”  When the mediator, after just one meeting, can tell you that you’re in big trouble, that’s a good sign you’re in big trouble.  I did end up paying a hefty price from the pastor’s wife in a number of ways; one of which was her lies, and another because she actually stuck me with the bill for the mediation!)



  1. How did the mediator get involved? Is your church in an Association that allow that kind of thing…like a Union? Not knowing the complete situation, I would think your last clue you were done would be that you needed a mediator to solve a difference or conflict. Bummer overall…

  2. Right Rodmaster. Thanks for that. I whole heartedly agree. That was a clue, but I am willing to exhaust all the options when it comes to looking for redemption. The mediator got involved because the pastor’s wife and I both agreed to go see one. The problem is that the pastor’s wife told me to pick the mediator, and then when I did she was pissed at who I chose because the mediator caught her in her crap. I think that’s why she stuck me with the bill. The mediator even asked if either of us thought there was anything left to build a relationship off of. I said, “Of course, because I always have hope for redemption; but I won’t be the only one working at it.” That’s when the pastor’s wife replied, “He is abusive, manipulative and controlling, and I don’t even want to be his friend.” It’s so ironic that the three words she used to label me were the three words she most lived up to in the whole process. Just a reminder that sometimes people who yell “abuse”, are the people who are really perpetuating it. Guess we had all better be careful of our motives and have some accountability. Thanks again for chiming in. Good words!

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