Posted by: Botolff | October 17, 2009

Quotes from “Bold Love” chapter 10.

Well, this idea of chasing “Bold Love” has been more or less slipping into a coma lately.  However, the chase will continue…in a few weeks.  This may be my last post for a little bit as I will not likely have access to the time and computer necessary to keep the flow going until November.  Even this past week has proven unfruitful in blog-land. 

Before I sign off for a bit though, I did want to put out a few quotes that caught my attention in chapter ten called “Loving an Evil Person: Seige Warfare.”  I’ll be talking more about this chapter, and subsequent chapters, when my blogging opportunity resurfaces.  Best to all of you reading until then!

About Labels:

“For most people, labels are stereotypes that strip life of its complexity in order to make it more tolerable.  When labels are used to generalize in this manner, they are destructive.  Labels can be useful without being destructive when they push us to consider (given the differences) the common themes that tie the different people in a subgroup together.  They help us to reflect on the central core passions that drive divergent human behavior.”

“A significant danger in any scheme of categorization is creating a definition that is too clear…A second danger involves rigid definitions.  A rigid definition implies that I am and will always be that in the future…Sufficient change can occur that invalidates the label.  For that reason, I am never to judge you.  I may assess your current condition and offer a tentative hypothesis, ‘You appear to be a fool,’ but am never to say, ‘You are and will always be a fool.”

About Evil and Evil People:

“Often the one who delights in evil is an ordinary, unassuming person who hides behind a facade of normalcy.  Few people who are evil ever appear evil, even after the evidence of their deceit, destructiveness, and hardness is exposed.”

“We all behave in evil ways at times.”

“Evil is present when there is a profound absence of empathy, shame, and goodness.  Empathy involves a connectedness to the heart of another and a respect for their personal boundaries.  An evil person is unmoved by the inner world of the other and has no respect for boundaries.  Shame involves an ability to be exposed and disturbed about actual or perceived violation of relationships.  An evil person is unaffected by exposure, so is consequently shameless.  Finally, goodness involves a desire to see someone or something grow in strength, freedom, and beauty.  An evil person seems to delight in stripping away purpose, individuality, and vitality.”

“Evil is (for the most part) unfeeling.  It lacks sorrow when someone suffers and joy when there is happiness.  But an evil person is more than emotionally detached; he simply will not allow himself to enter the heart of his victim as a person.  The victim is an object – an entity to be controlled or destroyed- and not a living, breathing being who feels hurt, fear, sorrow, and shame.  In that regard, evil sees the other as nothing more than a service to itself.”

“An evil person, regularly and masterfully, portrays his motives and behavior as innocent.  Others just do not understand.  He is deceitfully gifted in making the victim of his abuse feel like the perpetrator of the harm.”

“The coldness of evil is a passionless hatred toward any who resist or fail to succumb to the evil person’s desires.”

“A second attribute of evil is shamelessness…Shamelessness thrives on the ability to avoid exposure.  The experience of shame always involves an exposure of one’s inner world by another and is usually a potent deterrent to proceeding in a shameless direction…But a person can avoid the experience of shame if he can put the eyes out that see inside him.  When his accuser is blind, he can escape the gaze that penetrates his soul.  For that reason, evil almost always works to shame the other.  Shame works to blind the eyes that expose.”

“Evil is bad.  That is, it is persistently destructive.  But it is also deceitfully subtle.  Consequently, evil rarely shows itself as bad.  In fact, it often portrays itself as helpful, open, kind, generous, long-suffering.”

“Evil misuses power and then claims innocence.  If that is questioned, then evil uses shame or mockery to bludgeon the victim into accepting the shame.”

“One of the greatest gifts one can give a person inclined towards evil is the strength to frustrate their attempts to dominate.”

“Evil uses false contrition to lull its victim to sleep so that it can regroup and try a different tactic.”

“Evil will not be conquered as long as our hearts live to obtain immediate relief or escape profound loss.  Only when we have little or nothing to lose will we be willing to love.”

Be back in a couple weeks.



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